South Norwood Tourist Board

As you may have noticed SNTB has been quiet for a while but that doesn’t mean we haven’t been working hard to inspire, flaunt and promote all that is South Norwood. Here is a copy of a letter sent to all appropriate authorities.

To Whom It May Concern,

 

Inspired by innovative suggestions from Croydon Council that East Croydon should be renamed Croydon International due to its location between central London and Gatwick Airport, we are writing to you to request that Norwood Junction Station be renamed Norwood Intergalactic.

 

It is possible that you might be inclined to dismiss such a suggestion is the result of a night on the beer – but we would argue that in most cultures it is quite acceptable for visionary leaders to enter altered states – and judging from results, it seems reasonable to conclude that many areas of public and transport policy are already created in such an environment.

 

There is also a solid rationale for our request. In cosmic terms South Norwood is in close proximity to both the Andromeda Galaxy and the Magellanic Clouds. We are also closer to London than Croydon and have a London postcode, which would be an obvious attraction to visitors from other galaxies.

 

South Norwood is a very diverse and vibrant community. We remain proud to extend a warm welcome to people from all corners of the world – and the universe. Indeed in a time of such difficult international relations, it is our belief that we would all greatly benefit from an intergalactic perspective which saw humanity as one – rather than the fractious, squabbling bunch of psychopaths that we often present ourselves as.

 

South Norwood is also a good site for an intergalactic portal as we have very little in the way of livestock in the area, which would minimise the risk of any unfortunate incidents of cattle mutilation or the attentions of the notorious chupacabras or goat sucker.

 

It is true that an influx of intergalactic money could boost property prices – and like most communities we are disturbed by the ongoing process of gentrification that results in existing residents being priced out – often getting little in return but overpriced muffins and the unwarranted criticism of existing businesses. But we remain hopeful that intergalactic newcomers would be much more respectful and actually bring meaningful benefits such as limitless clean energy and hyperdrive technology.

 

Although evidence of extraterrestrial civilisations might currently be limited to ill-defined smudges on the most powerful of telescopes, the renaming of Norwood Junction as Norwood Intergalactic is a key first step in making our vision a reality.

 

As the suggestion to rename East Croydon proves, current reality needn’t be a brake on our aspirations. Afterall, we wouldn’t want to go through a rushed renaming process once contact had been made and we all had much more pressing concerns on our minds. A little forethought on our part would doubtless impress our extraterrestrial visitors.

 

We hope you agree that the proposal to rename Norwood Junction as Norwood Intergalactic has much to recommend it and look forward to your support. Norwood Junction has been the sight of many firsts and this should be another.

 

South Norwood Tourist Board