When Batman came to South Norwood,
To start with we thought it’d be good,
To have our very own superhero,
Keeping cash machines free of loitering weirdos,
Patrolling the streets and protecting commuters,
From the nefarious schemes of the kids on their scooters,
But sad to say, our joy didn’t last,
All that superhero worship faded quite fast,
See it’s not just the actor who bawled out his cast,
Seems like Batman himself is a bit of a bastard,
He beat up this bloke and stuck his head down the shitter,
Which seemed a bit harsh for just dropping litter,
And the kid tagging walls, he won’t do it again,
Not even after the hospital have retrieved his pen,
He spied on the barbers cos “they were up to something,”
And a dog with loose bowels got a right bloody lumping,
He intimidated joggers who strayed off the path,
And set upon kids who were just having a laugh,
And finally it all came to a head,
When he confronted the old woman who fed the ducks bread,
“They prefer seeds and corn,” he muttered with a frown,
We found her the next morning, floating, face down,
We all met up down The Portland and said this ain’t right,
He’s uptight and judgmental – and spoiling for a fight,
And there’s not so much that we need to put right,
That we can’t get by without this Dark Knight,
It’s clear to us all that he’s no Adam West,
Camping it up in his pants and his vest,
He’s a violent vigilante – and at best,
He’s acting out some trauma that’s been too long repressed,
So we sent him packing – and Batgirl and Robin,
Off down to Croydon saying, “Boxpark can have him!”
And so judge not – lest you be judged yourself,
By a man dressed in rubber with a bit too much wealth,
As for us in South Norwood, I guess we’ll recover,Â
We’ll just have to start looking out for each other.
P Dovey 2017
South Norwood Tourist Board 
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