A. Norwood Junction (NB.it actually still has one, but not for long without community support)

Cafe Basmaccino has built up their trade over the last few years, starting most people’s mornings with their friendly cheer and extremely popular coffee, and according to my daughter they make the best hot chocolate in the world. However our little slice of mocha heaven is under threat; the proverbial ‘they’ have decided the cafe needs to go.

Help save our independent coffee shop, visit them and sign the petition on the counter.


It is appalling (and embarrassing) that our extremely busy station has only one platform that is easily accessible to the disabled, or parents with prams, pushchairs etc but at least it has access Cafe Basmaccinno.

We at SNTB know the question that is on everyone’s lips but are too afraid to ask – Was it a real Banksy? Graffiti is not everyones cup of tea, but none can dispute the impact Banksy has had on the art scene and even the whole world.

First there was a glimpse, a taster, a tease…


Then revealed in all it’s glory…


Sadly it has now gone, painted over or sold to a private collector? Either way it has gone. If it was a Banksy, SNTB would like to invite him to revisit South Norwood and gift us (again?) with one of his creations. If this creation wasn’t a Banksy, perhaps we have our own budding Banksy, Blec the Rat or the late King Robbo, after all there are many people with hidden talents in our community.

The wonderful thing about South Norwood is there is beauty and intrigue in the most unlikely places.

Scientists conducting research in South Norwood believe that they might have uncovered the first firm evidence of the existence of wormholes; dimension crossing tunnels connecting two separate points in spacetime.

Bunny Hole Banner Imagination

Professor Brian Cooks, from the Institute of Photogenic Physics took time out from his research to try and explain it to us,

“Until now, researchers have had no observational evidence for wormholes, but the possibility of a traversable wormhole, stabilised in a shell of exotic matter, was first demonstrated by Kip Thorne and Mike Morris in 1988. While the person inside the wormhole will experience time in the normal way, the bend in spacetime might make it appear that they have travelled between points at faster than light speed – and we believe we have evidence of such a wormhole existing between South Norwood and Crystal Palace.”

But what evidence does Professor Cooks have for such an extraordinary claim?

“Physicists have long thought that identifying wormholes would rely on us the identifying anomalous effects they cause rather than the wormholes themselves – and recently an unexpectedly large proportion of people have been found wandering around South Norwood believing they were actually in Crystal Palace! We have two working theories to explain this at the moment; 1) people are suffering from some mass geographical delusion, or 2) there is a traversable wormhole linking both places and people are inadvertently falling between them.”

The South Norwood Tourist Board spoke to a Mr Nathan Wellbeloved, who we found looking slightly disorientated by the clock tower.

“Well that would explain a lot,” said Mr Wellbeloved on hearing about Professor Cooks’ theory. “I came out to get a skinny latte and some organic wheatgrass and I’m going home with a bucket of fried chicken and a haircut. Very good value though and I’ve had a nice time. I think I’ll travel through the wormhole again next week!”

Ms Elsie Foxx-Tone, a local estate agent was keen to highlight the increase in property prices that would result from a wormhole between South Norwood and Crystal Palace, “As we know the property market has been quite buoyant of late and a wormhole between Crystal Palace and South Norwood would certainly provide a boost to house prices in the area. With a bit of luck I might get a new BMW out of it!” Ms Foxx-Tone enthused, “Furthermore, if we could move the wormhole over a bit to platform 6 ½ at Norwood Junction we would fall within the catchment area for Hogwarts – and you know how much a good school can put on the price of a house!”

Professor Cooks intends to continue his research throughout the summer.

“Ideally I’d like to gather some more conclusive data,” he said, “Maybe I could find some of these confused people and conduct some more in depth research on them? I’ve got some spare pens in my lab, between the smoking beagles and the alcoholic greyhounds.”

“To be honest,” admitted Ms Foxx-Tone, “I don’t know what exotic matter is – but I’m sure we’ll be able to get some once the farmers’ market opens.”


Where  you ask?

‘South Norwood and Woodside Social Club, Enmore Road’ we say

When you ask?

Saturday 18th April 2015 8:30pm start’ we reply

A fun night filled with the greatest ska and reggae classics; listen out for ‘My Name is Peter’.


Received today. Good Luck Michelle


Hi there,

I’m currently carrying out some market research for a coffee shop I’d like to open on South Norwood High Street. I’ll be offering excellent coffee, food and craft workshops.

Would you mind sharing this survey for local residents to complete please?

Many thanks,





Bissniss Man Leaflet

The Adventures of String


The kind hearted Heather at Treasures has agreed to become the official outlet for any SNTB merchandise that gets produced. By popular demand we have had our original pictures of the Country Park and South Norwood Lake printed. In an art deco style, the postcard sized prints were created by our associate Richard Lamy and a limited number are available.

Treasure is a wonderful gift shop, situated on 233 Portland Road, in between Ferndale and Oakley Road.



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