A new gold rush has started! The future is at our feet! The capitalist world’s demand for fossil fuel knows no bounds in its quest to provide ever more trinkets to keep the masses amused. Now, thanks to the Government’s relaxation of planning laws, we can all share in this bonanza! That is the message from the South Norwood Community Fracking Initiative, a body set up to exploit
“the wonderful opportunity to create an independent fuel economy for South Norwood.”
“The British Government has made some rather vague promises of compensation to households affected by fracking,” said a spokesman, “But, even they were to escape the clutches of the tax avoidance specialists, such measly amounts pale into insignificance against the profits that are going to be made.”
The South Norwood Community Fracking Initiative (hereafter referred to as SNCFI) argues that an independent fuel economy would see South Norwood well placed to ride out any economic shocks from Brexit without engaging in the speculative bubble economy of property development as some other parts of the borough have been prone to do, and provided a pretty impressive char.  Asked how their proposal was being greeted by the residents of South Norwood an SNCFI spokesman replied,
“Well, they are generally happy once we explain that extracting gas through fracking is well-known to be an easy process with very few environmental repercussions, save for the occasional geological one.”
The boffins at SNCFI have invented a new process to replace the pressurised water method favoured by the petrochemical industry, which is claimed to be wasteful and damaging to the water supply. SNCFI claim that their Mass Perturbation Technique (or MPI) is an innovation that will revolutionise the industry. At the appointed time – probably Tuesday evenings after work, the citizens of South Norwood will be called to South Norwood Lakes, a venue chosen both for its unique geological features and closeness to local bus routes. Everyone will be asked to bring a large black plastic sack.

Fracking Practice?

Led by the fracking coordinator, a former choreographer for the Royal Ballet, they will then perform the specially composed Dance Of The Frackers. The synchronised leaping and landing of over 16,000 people will release the gas trapped deep underground (and perhaps some trapped closer to the surface). This will all rise into the air to be trapped in the bin bags, tied and taken to the huge tanks assembled at the edge of the site. According to SNCFI,
“It will be a magnificent spectacle, unrivalled in the modern world.”
Rather than individual payments, gas will be made available to all South Norwood citizens (possibly directly through their water-taps) free of charge in the hope of stimulating a form of gift economy within the area.

Not actually Simon Fond as he phoned in.

Not all residents are happy though. Already a petition has been set up to oppose SNCFI which already has several signatures. However, local resident Mr Simon Fond, photo left, welcomed the news,

“The trouble with all these environmentalists and do-gooders is that they’re always moaning. . It’s about time someone grasped the potential of community fracking – I bet the Chinese have been at it for years! And if it does result in sinkholes appearing in my back garden – well, I’ve always fancied a pool.”
A spokesman for Croydon Council said,
“To be honest, if it doesn’t affect Central Croydon property prices you can do what you like.”


Hope you are safe and well wherever you are.

Please contact someone to confirm that you are well and simply guerrilla gardening the whole country or wherever it is your path is taking you.

Captain Sensible has contacted us to express his concern and his hope you are well and safe.

Our thoughts are with you comrade in arms.



Robbie on far left with Captain Sensible.


Alternate title – who watches the watchers?

Yesterday, SNTB reaffirmed and reminded everyone not to worry about this morning’s referendum result as South Norwood is already a Republic. Anyway, within 30 minutes, despite comments and likes, our post vanished from Facebook and couldn’t be found in any of our history.

Was it the Ivor Cutler quote  that was offensive? Did someone complain?


Before we get down to our experiment, I have replaced a potential source of the offence by replacing Mr Cutler with an inoffensive song by the world’s best comedian / top class entertainment, Ted Chippington. Enjoy…


A comedy legend in full flow, hopefully less offensive if anyone found Ivor Cutler inappropriate.

So now, without further ado let the Facebook censorship experiment commence! The questionable footnote from yesterday*:

*Note the irony that Facebook was created by a misogynistic whose main reason for it’s initial creation was to embarrass and humiliate a girl, and now used by by people  to spout bile, hatred and simple bollocks; life can be hard enough without people contributing to the general malaise of misery and anger.

This is automatically posted to Facebook but I don’t personally use it and believe it is actually detrimental to the development of society. Between Facebook and Google I think they now more than the CIA and GCHQ put together.

Note the potential irony that if Facebook removed the post due to our criticism they have they have confirmed  their dictatorial Machiavellian approach to ensure their programme’s design has the potential to dumb down society by censoring any criticism that questions their morality and any suggestion that its cultural effect on society is a metaphoric burning of selected literature to stop people questioning which may impact on their profit.

*Using Facebook leaves a bitter taste in my mouth but our ultimate agenda has always been to promote South Norwood and its wonderful hidden gems that are reminders of our rich history.

We shall see how long this post stays up, the footnote is now a quote and the new footnote is above. Anyone who guesses how long it remains up shall win a fine set of the Emporer’s new clothes with matching accessories.

Just in case you have been ‘outraged’ by our suggestions above, some more top class entertainment by Ted; let your outrage disappear through tears of laughter

We are the People’s Republic of South Norwood, promoting equality and regeneration regardless of barriers.

Whatever result is declared, the citizens of South Norwood can rest easy knowing we are an independent Republic; lets face it Croydon didn’t want us and neither did the GLC when  dividing up in 60’s, not that SNTB give a fuck what any governing body say or do. Our decoration of being a republic is more democratically legitimate than the house of Lords or the monarchy.

Always question the answers to destroy the lies.

However we must be prepared for all the people who will want to become a South Norwoodian, especially if the majority of the country have been fooled by people who never have to work a day in their life; note the 10 billion will not be divided up.

Before the potential backlash from all those armchair internet moaning people, who don’t actually seem to have a life apart from criticise and moan about everything on Facebook, REMEMBER there are those who actually do and those who talk or moan but don’t do anything positive*


On a personal note the whole contradictions of how a society works has made me laugh. As a child I was always taught that you can achieve great things united, teamwork not individualism – (just ask Ronaldo). Where has all our industry gone, along with the jobs and pride it brought. The fact that it has now been proven that the government blatantly lied about their intent to closure of the coal mines, and Scargill was actually right appears to be forgotten when listening to the Brexit, those who have the same selfish view on life as they did in the 80’s.

If we leave Europe  SNTB will be running a sweepstake as to how long it will take Boris et al to fully privatise the NHS, and how many people will no longer afford to get treatment for any ailment.

*Note the irony that Facebook was created by a misogynistic whose main reason for it’s initial creation was to embarrass and humiliate a girl, and now used by by people  to spout bile, hatred and simple bollocks; life can be hard enough without people contributing to the general malaise of misery and anger.

This is automatically posted to Facebook but I don’t personally use it and believe it is actually detrimental to the development of society. Between Facebook and Google I think they now more than the CIA and GCHQ put together.




South Norwood is no stranger to empty commercial premises being turned into cheap residential flats, many not even applying for planning permission let alone meeting building regulations.

However the line has now been crossed – eviction of an existing business that has been trading for over 45 years. PPR have spread this message:

Please pop in and sign the petition to stop Tina’s newsagent on Carmichael Road from being converted into a flat by her landlord. Petition needs to be sent to councillors tomorrow evening so we don’t have long to collect signatures. Tina has been trading here for 45 years and wasn’t even informed of the planning application. It’s a disgrace…

Go and sign the petition as this is allowed to happen unchallenged where will be next.

See People for Portland Road for more details and any proposed action.


It is rumoured that ‘BREXIT’ have tried to contact SNTB in order for us to act as strategic consultants to give the voting public the reassurance they need to secure a victory. A poll, somewhere at sometime, within the error of margin similar to the exit polls of the last election, has confirmed that the electorate need to be comfortable with the dawning reality that what they are being asked to decide on it actually quite a complex issue. Without several years of learning the intricacies of economics; macro & micro, FIAT currency issues and how currency is completely different to money, contract law, employment law, legislative process / stages of implementing European law, just to name a few areas of expertise required, even then, with a complete, comprehensive, detailed understanding, when asked about potential implications for either possibility, they lick there finger to find out which way the wind is blowing; both choices can be seen as a pig in a poke.

This could be one of the reasons why they have decided to contact us; our insight and our colourful discourse without any fear of continually using words that others believe shouldn’t be used.

Another, more probable reason, is due to an academic paper that was published following our Independence election last year, and the birth of the ‘ People’s Republic of South Norwood’. The Adam Smith Institute has thoroughly documented the difficult decisions we have had to make to keep South Norwood as a shining working example that the only real way a community can move forward is by rejecting the never ending supply of Stepford politicians and the accompanying electoral system, which inherently favours the wealthy and is adverse to change of any kind, and whoever is in power understands that there is only one overriding objective within politics, and that is to remain in power by hook or by crook.

The Adam Smith Institute’s Published Report

How did we find answers to such complex issues highlighted in the report you may ask; it was simple really, we imagined an SNTB that were far cleverer than we are and then thought about the solutions they would design to resolve any issue or conflict. Our consultation methods must have been leaked by someone, detailing the simplicity, speed and a budget which depends on the prices of beer in our office, which we have affectionately given the more informal name ‘pub’.

Once SNTB have something more concrete than pure speculation* we will immediately post the details of any discussions held and who with.


*Rumour based on the fact we had a missed call from an unknown number, and have justified our logic based on a combination of Schrödinger’s Cat and logic by exploring the possibility that it could have been one of the many skills that some, or even none, of the investigative journalists applied to a story, ensuring they would get the ‘exclusives’ for the front page of the News of the World.

DISCLAIMER: SNTB take no responsibility for any misleading information in this article and any link to anything that may, or may not, happen in the coming week, is purely coincidental or desperation.