It has been brought to our attention that our coarse language is inappropriate, however whilst colourful, it can serve a purpose;  ensuring we will not be accepted within the belly of the bureaucratic  machine, as we refuse to tug our forelock to the established order and institutions.

An interesting article we have just come across, but begs the question Tommy Cooper or David Blaine!





Pardew warns Sam of SNTB’s influence!

Upon news of the appointment of new Eagles boss,Sam Allardyce, my first thought was Croydon ensure we always have the shitty end of the stick, and now a manger who the FA deem is not worthy of the England job, a match made in heaven really; overlooked perfection by blinkered people!!!!

SNTB offer an open invitation to come and chat about the local area. Eagles fans are passionate, South Norwood people are passionate – the two combined is a fan base second to none.

The Holmesdale Fanatics are unique in their unequivocal way to get their point / anger / frustration known, and don’t care who it fucks off – it has landed them in trouble but they know where the fundamental rot lies in football; a fantastic bunch of loyal fans – pure football, born and bred Eagles. We ain’t pretty, we ain’t rich but I’ve stayed in almost every area where ‘Big Sam’ has managed and nowhere comes close to passion, community, loyalty and local history.

As SNTB have always pointed out, not only do we have more lakes that the Lake District but we also have a fucking good football team – how could any manager refuse such an opportunity to broaden their horizons.

We have already posted our ideas and would be interested if Sam thinks any of them could jettison the Eagles to heights they have never soared.





So Pardew was sacked for introducing a front foot, elaborate gun ho style that just didn’t suit Palace, so where else to start than looking at SNTB’s credentials

 However our template for success is promising but I think a little ahead of its time:

  • Co-operative Management style with SNTB being simply the front for all Eagles Fans
  • Tickets prices halved and kids go free (we would forgo our wage to cover this), and players could hold a jumble sale or car wash to raise any shortfall.
  • Team selection discussed in pub night before; consultation will include  all season ticket holders who have won the premiership with Crystal Palace on Football Manager 2017 (whatever qualifications do you need) and the current Palace Squad – team and fans both being acceptable for our progress.
  • Tactics are simply score more goals than the other team – rush goalie will be our secret weapon. (Is this any worse than a long ball tactic!)
  • Substitutions, tactical change mid game decided by fans on a specially designed app.
  • All transfers conducted by creating a player mortgage – (can bailiffs repossessed a player!). Or challenge other teams to a game of spoof, dominoes or rock, paper, scissors, with a win meaning you get to loan one of their players for a month for free – Messi at Selhurst Park!
  • Dress down days for one game a quarter where the players can wear what they want with a 5% donation to fans who are financially struggling but remain loyal. It would also confuse the opposition and hopefully guarantee 3 points.

After a long night soul searching as to work out if SNTB could guide Palace to the heights they belong, we came to the conclusion it may not be in the best interests of the club, why you ask?

No, ignore the rumours that we were caught in the pub offering to sell an undercover reporter Wayne Hennessy’s left kidney but it was rumoured that the FA were worried that we would bring the game back to the working man and their local area, where fan and player constantly rubbed shoulders and would discuss topical current footballing issues such as Jamie Vardy’s chances of winning the Nobel Peace prize etc

Lets just hope whoever takes over has the clubs best interests at heart.




Met with open arms, a red carpet with tic-a-tape pouring from the ceiling*, SNTB entered our latest addition to the area – The Portland Arms. (* Artistic licence used, didn’t actually happen)


Ali (landlord) introduced me to the keen eager bar staff, Luke and Leeward and then soon all realised that they had made a mistake inviting us in and all began to look busy when I began to rant about how we despise business’ that are only interested in profit, abuse community loyalty and basically pretend they are in Dulwich or Crystal Palace. Looking up, expecting the red faces and the usual apologetic drivel about quality, and teardrops from a silkworm riding goat cost money, I WAS FUCKING SHOCKED.


(From front to back – Luke, Leeward & Ali)

Ali explained that they only own one other pub, saw the potential in the location but understands the area and the importance of offering a service that the community actually want to use.  He continued to say they are getting on their feet but are completely open to any feasible ideas that will meet varying needs. Including my request not to be served cider in a chalice!

I asked about prices, and he has said that they are trying to be as cheap but fair a price as possible, making there margins minimal with the hope that the quantity of business will offset any need to increase prices in order not to go under – it was an quiet acknowledgement that they know times can be difficult but don’t want to exclude any part of the community. Families, football, fantasy and frolicking (I love alliteration) are all welcome as long as it doesn’t encroach on other people’s enjoyment etc.

The crux of their ethos is – they are open to become whatever type of pub the  community require, as long as it is INCLUSIVE and reflects positively on them and the area. However, lets not forget they are a business and if no-one goes, they will either close or become the type of pub that calls our community ‘Riff Raff’ or ‘wants to keep out the undesirables’!


(my new friend Ike – thanks for your company)

After chatting with the new faces in our area (although Leeward is born and bred SN), I sat at the bar to watch Palace destroy Chelsea (* Artistic licence used, didn’t actually happen) and met Ike who i continued to chat to for the next two hours (sorry if your head hurts Ike), then in a flash someone came in looking the pub up and down, stopped, looked at me and said ‘Aw it’s one of those yuppie places’, to which I replied ‘Fuck off, I’m born and bred working class but because I have blue hair and look different you’re calling me a yuppie – you can fuck off and how dare you judge me’ – he apologised and left and I continued my non judgemental conversation with Ike.

Did I mention the food is fantastic with an open kitchen!


If you want a 1950’s traditional blokes boozer, where beaten women cower over their halves of beer or waiting at home in anticipation of feeding the breadwinner – this is not it

If you want a modern pub, with kitsch decor trying to be trendy, expensive prices to ensure that only those with a decent credit rating can enter to drink Moldavian asp’s piss and eat a peruvian style curried unicorn hoof – this is not it

Could it be Henry the mild mannered janitor………. could be………….

If you want a place to drink, that is 100% community minded, has a wide selection of beverages, well cooked food and non judgemental staff who work hard but also have time to chat, and everyone I’ve met is worth chatting to and doesn’t want to be any of the above (except maybe Hong Long Phooey because who doesn’t want to be!) then it has arrived:

It is called the Portland Arms and is ready and waiting to bring a smile to your face.

The saying goes – Use it or lose it – but remember it is rare for businesses wanting to embody the whole of South Norwood’s community as it is.





A rare thing has happened in South Norwood, a community group which exists to serve it’s current community; restricting the tickets to a fair price, with 20% being given away free to those who couldn’t otherwise come.


Crowdfunding is a wonderful way to raise funds, hoping that the community will pledge what they can feasibly afford to give, no matter how small, allowing pricing to be fair and appropriate. It’s easy to stereotype and use pricing to keep out the ‘riff raft’ or create a vibe like Crystal Palace. Stanley Film Club accept South Norwood for what it is, warts and all, and our community should accept nothing less.


It is a brave move for SFC, as if they don’t hit their target they get nothing, which only results in providing less of a free fun packed afternoon for all the kids.

It is Christmas, most people are broke but even 50p may make the difference, all church congregations could step up and offer support to ensure that kindness, respect and integrity are key to a good community, not in principle but in practice.

A community is only as good as those who participate, whilst a younger generation will follow the standards we set.



Success may also be the first nail in the coffin, encouraging others to continue hammering; a clear message that South Norwood may not be pretty at first glance but its a fucking great place to live.




screen-shot-2016-12-09-at-19-52-37How do you top an opening of last years imaginary Christmas lights, introduce Sharon, the Shining Sensible Saviour Celebrating South Norwood.

In true SNTB style our comrade Rose has marked the season with our very own ‘Angel of South Norwood – London’s Lake District’. Armed with scissors in one hand, and a chicken drumstick in the other, Sharon is representative of the ‘melting pot’ which is South Norwood, a wonderful mixture of all vibrant and diverse cultures.

The creator is a member of citizen group the South Norwood Tourist Board. She added: “The chicken and the scissors are emblems of hope and industry and symbols of our roots. They are also found on the South Norwood Tourist Board flag.

“It reminds people we should be proud of our working class roots. Sharon is gazing lovingly towards our high street and she is really happy about it.”

The Mirror

The Mirror, Evening Standard and Time Out have articles, interviewing Rose and name checking the world famous SNTB; I think Australia and South America are the only continents not to have reported on events in our wonderful area but I’m sure Sharon may change this, especially if Brazil get jealous that Sharon has her hands full!


All at SNTB love it and now the media has caught on, we expect Sharon to have her own Facebook page, Twitter account and agent. It has even been rumoured that the Democratic Party in USA are considering asking Sharon to run against Donald Trump in the next election but this may be a pack of lies.

If you are travelling on Southern Rail, look out for the glowing light that radiates from Sharon, bringing Peace, Joy, sensibility and hopefully a wry smile during our festive season.


The Mirror

The Standard

Time Out

These are just a few but we’ll keep you updated on Facebook.

If anyone can get Boris Johnson or Donald Trump to comment on Sharon, SNTB will buy them a pint, and present a framed photo of them next to Sharon – LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW OF SOUTH NORWOOD.



Thanks to Tom Ziebell for permission to use his photo.